They say “The grudge of food is scary”. Issues related to food can often lead to deep-seated grudges. The poster experienced a conflict with their younger brother over a high-quality food item.
“My brother and his wife sent two pieces of domestically produced natural eel to our parents. My mother said, ‘We will split one eel in half, so the other one is for you,’ and invited us to have lunch together, so my child and I ate with them. Later, my brother complained to me. Maybe my sister-in-law said something,”
The gift sent by the brother’s wife to the poster’s parents was a high-quality domestically produced natural eel. The mother invited the poster to share the eel, so they gratefully accepted. When they later informed their brother that they enjoyed the eel, he became extremely angry. He expressed his frustration saying, “We wanted our parents to eat the health-enhancing eel, and you ate it?” The poster was irritated that their brother was complaining even though the eel had been shared with the parents. They also suspected that the sister-in-law might have influenced the complaint.
Sorry, but I think the poster is rude to accept a gift meant for the parents
“It’s rude. As the younger brother, it wasn’t a gift for the poster. It may seem like they intercepted the gift meant for the parents,”
“In our family, when we give gifts to our in-laws, we also include the brother-in-law’s family, but that’s because we live together. But if you are living separately, the younger brother and his wife probably gave the gift only to the in-laws, right? The poster’s family should not have eaten it because they don’t count. The one who should feel frustrated is not the poster, but the younger brother’s family,”
Naturally, the eel sent by the younger brother and his wife was intended for the parents. The consensus was that the poster should not have eaten it.
I would hate it if I were in my brother’s position
“I think I would feel disappointed if my sister and her child were eating eel that I had sent to my parents because I wanted them to enjoy it luxuriously.
Some mothers also tried to imagine themselves in the younger brother’s position. It’s understandable that if a gift intended for someone else ends up in the hands of a different person, the sender might feel their sentiments have been disregarded.
The poster should have considered the younger brother’s feelings and declined
“If the poster had known it was from the younger brother, she should have gently declined, saying ‘This is something your brother gave us with care, so let’s savor it’.”
“It must be shocking for the younger brother. The poster should have said, ‘It’s a gift from your brother and his wife, so you should enjoy it greedily. I think it’s rude,”
The poster knew that the eel suggested by the parents for a meal was originally a gift from the younger brother and his wife. They could have declined by saying, “It’s a gift from your brother, so let’s cherish it together.” By accepting without refusal, it was perceived as ignorant behavior.
Both the parents and poster were disrespectful to the younger brother
“The parents also lacked consideration for the younger brother and his wife. It’s not okay to give away something that was sent with love,”
Some mothers felt that the parents, who gleefully accepted the eel, as well as the poster, were the issue. Passing on a present to someone else is not commendable. A present is not just an item but a representation of the feelings of the giver. The actions of the parents were seen as disregarding the younger brother’s feelings.
I have felt annoyed when my presents were taken by others
“I’ve been in the same situation. I sent eel to my parents because I wanted them to enjoy it. But it’s always my unemployed brother who lives with our parents who eats the most. I feel like ‘It wasn’t intended for my brother’ but it’s frustrating.”
“I’ve had a similar experience as the gift giver. When my brother took my gift, I told him off and got, ‘Huh? Once they receive it, it’s their parents’ property, right? It doesn’t matter what the parents do.’ I’m left feeling puzzled. Maybe the poster’s parents and the poster also have this mindset,”
Mothers shared that they have been disappointed when their presents were taken by others, associating with the poster’s situation. While it might be a difference in values, conflicts like the one brought about by presents can lead to deep rifts.
The poster felt frustrated after receiving complaints from their younger brother for enjoying the eel that was intended for the parents. Although the poster harbored dissatisfaction, others saw her as being the one in the wrong. Perhaps, if the poster had politely declined, saying, “Your brother has given this gift to us, so let’s savor it together,” then this trouble could have been avoided.
To be continued in part 2.
Text by Motte. Edited by Miyabi. Illustration by Mamemi.