相談者のお義母さんが、孫の顔を見に来ることを電話で伝えたが、相談者が来る時間を尋ねただけで不機嫌になり、相談者に責められた。ママたちはお義母さんの態度を非難し、寄り添った意見もありました。相談者にも、お義母さんが忙しいかもしれないと理解を示しました。お互いが気遣いをすることが必要だとの指摘もあります。結局、互いの都合を先に伝えることで、トラブルを避けられるかもしれません。
Continuing from the last time. The mother-in-law of the person contacting us called in the morning and said, “I’ll come to see my grandchild after I’m done with something.” When the person inquired about the time, the mother-in-law became grumpy, saying “You can’t come at that time!?” The person told her, “Please avoid 1-2 PM as I have to pick up my child,” but was then told, “You should be the one to say to avoid that time, shouldn’t you? Asking what time I will come is rude.” So, the person is consulting if they were really being rude.
“Then you don’t have to come~!”
It’s the mother-in-law who is being rude, not even telling the time when she will come and making the person wait all day. Still, criticizing the person by saying “rude”…. “This mother-in-law is undoubtedly a bothersome person,” was the judgment made by the mothers in the community.
When being told by such a mother-in-law, you’d want to say, “Then, you don’t have to come~!” Various counterattacks are also being put forth in the Mama Star community.
“Tell her, ‘If you’re going to keep complaining, then don’t come. It’s more rude not to inquire about the time when you’re visiting someone.'”
“Why is the mother-in-law so condescending? If someone spoke to me like that, I’d turn off my phone and act like I’m not home.”
“If the mother-in-law is so, then you don’t have to show the grandchild’s face. I’m busy too, so if we can’t figure out the main time, it’s a problem. But, if we can’t understand the time, it’s a shame, but we can try again next time. Yes, and hang up!”
It’s the mother-in-law who wants to see the grandchild. The person isn’t asking the child to come. Still, being invited to the house and getting in a bad mood just by asking the time they will come is not something you’d want.
In the future, it might be good to tell your own schedule first.
However, there were also some comments that empathized with the mother-in-law. The mother-in-law isn’t always involved in sending and picking up the child from kindergarten, so she probably didn’t know the return time. Since she said she wants to see her grandchild, coming when the child is at kindergarten would have no meaning for the mother-in-law. In that case, it might have been good to tell her beforehand, “The kindergarten is until 2 PM,” right?
“If she said she wants to see her grandchild, then she can imagine the time after the child comes home from kindergarten, right? If it were me, I’d say, ‘I’ll be picking up from the kindergarten at ◯ o’clock, so I’ll be back around ◯ o’clock. Please come after that.’ She always tries to get away with a short stay by saying she has to go shopping. Or even go shopping together and have her buy everything.”
“Objectively, both of them are at fault, I think. Certainly, the mother-in-law’s selfish way of speaking is irritating. ‘You could put it a little nicer,’ (angry). But, would the person have avoided the intense anger of the mother-in-law’s ‘Do you have to say the time for everything?’ if she had said, ‘What time will it be?’ but also, ‘I have a matter to attend to at ◯ o’clock, so… What time do you think it will be?'”
“If there were a concern for the other person, I think that they would have asked, ‘Since it will be around the time of picking up from kindergarten, is that okay?’ If the mother’s task finished early, she would need to kill time somewhere, right?”
It’s possible that the mother-in-law contacted them without preparation time. If the person had their own schedule, just by saying “I hope until after 2 PM,” it may have reduced unnecessary communications for the mother-in-law. The mother-in-law may have said “rude” because she doesn’t think about this situation. If you want to continue to have a good relationship with your mother-in-law, it might be good to tell your schedule first to reduce unnecessary back-and-forth communication.
Writer: Madokou Monoe Editor: Sunna Kojima Illustrator: Ponko