Some people may have difficulty communicating with their mother-in-law due to differences in common sense. One mother shared how her mother-in-law criticized her for making curry for lunch when she visited suddenly. The community responded by saying there is no correct answer and that the mother-in-law’s reaction was unreasonable. Suggestions for a simple menu that the mother-in-law might prefer were also shared. Some also suggested that the mother-in-law should bring food when she visits suddenly. It is important to communicate carefully to build a good relationship despite differences in common sense, generation, and upbringing.
Are you getting along well with your mother-in-law? Although they are family, they may be strangers, and there may be people who struggle with communication because their mother-in-law’s common sense and their own common sense do not match. A post like this was submitted by a mother in the Mamasta community. Let’s introduce it.
“My mother-in-law suddenly said she was coming to play and said, ‘Lunch can be simple,’ so I made curry, but she said, ‘Huh, curry?’ What was the right answer? By the way, my mother-in-law is not a fan of takeout or deli food.”
At lunchtime, the poster was told that her mother-in-law was coming to visit, so she prepared curry and was met with a strange look. She doesn’t know what the right answer was, so she posted about it. It seems that in her mother-in-law’s mind, curry was something she would never have expected to be served…. So, how did the mothers in the Mamasta community respond to this question? Let’s introduce the voices of the mothers.
There is no right answer on the menu!
“Just the fact that she’s coming is already a hassle, so there’s no right answer. It depends on whether your mother-in-law wants to eat it. If it’s served, I hope she can quietly eat the curry.”
“Your mother-in-law is unpleasant. It’s great that you made curry. And it’s too much to dislike takeout and deli food. It’s not good to complain about what you’re given.”
Voice such as “There is no right answer” and “the mother-in-law’s reaction is unreasonable” were gathered. The mothers here sympathize with the poster because her mother-in-law, who suddenly visited, complained about what was served. The mother-in-law may have just slipped and unintentionally reacted, but “familiarity breeds contempt,” doesn’t it? Even if you think so deep down, it’s good manners to graciously accept the curry offered when you’re visiting unexpectedly.
What does the mother-in-law mean by “simple menu”?
“Rice with tea pickles, maybe?”
“Rice balls, pickled radish, and hot green tea”
“Rice ball, instant miso soup, and tea for after the meal should be fine!”
“Yakisoba, fried rice, etc.?”
There were mothers who considered the context of what the mother-in-law meant by “simple.” The majority mentioned “rice balls” and “rice with tea pickles.” Considering the mother-in-law’s generation and the presence of children, it seems they thought of a light Japanese meal rather than curry. Also, taking into account preferences and children eating together, menus like yakisoba and fried rice might have been acceptable. Everyone seems to have considered both the position of the elderly and what children would eat.
If it’s a sudden visit, should the mother-in-law be the one to prepare?
“Oh mother-in-law, bringing lunch and carrying it is the right answer.”
“Coming suddenly and empty-handed? Bring some sushi at least! That’s what I’m talking about!”
“Normally, it’s common sense to bring something.”
“If you come suddenly on the day, I want you to buy lunch somewhere. Just cleaning the house leaves me too exhausted to make lunch.”
If it’s a sudden visit, many voices were also raised, saying that “the mother-in-law should bring a bento or sushi as a souvenir.” Certainly, the poster may have been busy with child-rearing and may not have been able to clean the room. In the midst of that, she prepared curry, so she was trying her best to entertain her mother-in-law. Ideally, it would have been helpful if the mother-in-law had said something like, “Should I buy something?” If she hadn’t said such a thing, by responding with, “What does your mother-in-law mean by ‘simple’?… I don’t have anything at home,” this delicate misunderstanding might not have occurred.
The mother-in-law and the poster have different generations, positions, and upbringings, so there may be many misunderstandings about each other’s common sense. Assuming that they cannot understand each other, carefully confirming and communicating one by one may lead to a better relationship.
Written by Eien Ando, edited by Mikiko Ogino, Illustrated by Ponko